I've spent almost 4 entire years in graduate school now with a masters degree in chemistry and almost a decade's worth of post-secondary anguish and bitterness under my belt. The day I defended my masters degree was the happiest day in my life. It was better than the day I got my braces off, the day I was released from the hospital, and the day that I lost my virginity. The day I defended was the day that my contract was finally released - I was no longer an indentured servant for a wily master. I was a free agent! I could look forward to weekends and more money, self-worth and no more self-induced pathos. I had my ticket out of town. "See you guys at the taco stand, I am start-ing my life!" Five months later, and I am still in fucking graduate school.
The culprit? Me, and my irrationally self-given duty to finish a doctorate to please my parents.
As early as I could remember, there was at least an encouragement to become a doctor, or at least to verbally confirm that I would become a doctor. Between being fed spoonfuls of chicken noodle ring soup, my mom would remind me that someday she and my dad would be old and sick, and wouldn't it be nice if I could take care of them? Mmm hmm... Wouldn't it be nice to be a doctor and make Mom and Dad sooo proud! Doogie Howser continued to feed into my mom's hopes that I would someday wear a stethoscope and carry a clipboard. As much as I adored Doogie and his curly locks, I began to resent him and the unattainable hope he gave my mom that I would finish med school by age 14. Goddam him!
Med school became an ominous burden hanging over me, making me feel apprehensive as I became more interested in punk rock and boys. Then somebody whispered in my ear that I could go to art school. I daydreamed about it - painting all day and having interesting haircuts and friends. It seemed worth it even though it would be a message to my parents that I did not in fact love them. Eventually a Nova video shown in AP Biology about DNA translation and transcription interested me enough to consider becoming a biochemist. I thought fuck it, and here I am now. Miserable and in grad school.
I'm still having trouble pulling myself together to finish the "next best" thing to med school, which is getting a PhD. When my sister was trying to get out of med school, she managed to convince my mom that grad school was "just as good" because you still get to be called a doctor and my mom could still brag to her friends about it. And in my sister's words "Mom, you can stick your hand up somebody's ass if you want to, but I'm not going to do it." I don't know if Hippocrates could have put it better.
So, how do you get out of going to med school?
1) Change the subject.
2) Go to art school.
3) Get a sibling to go to med school for you. Parents will typically settle for one doctor child.
4) If your siblings are unwilling to attend med school on your behalf, convince them to marry a doctor into the family.
5) Tell you parents that you did, and keep insisting on it.
6) Go to grad school. This method is good for deferring med school for 10+ years.
7) Have some babies. Your parents will defer med school pressure on your children instead.
The truth is, your parents will love you even if you're not a doctor. They might be disappointed and remind you of it until one of you dies, but they will still love you. Even if you're single and read books for a living.
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